Sexual Interests Checklist

Preamble

This checklist was written by imgomez and sweetrush, who thought the world could do with a sexual interests checklist that was not focused on BDSM. Please feel free to make copies, make your own additions etc, but we ask that you link back to where it was originally posted, http://community.livejournal.com/sextips/7832294.html. We'd also love to know of any changes you thought necessary.

This checklist is intended to give some help to couples just starting out talking about sex, whether they're already sexually active or not. We've taken our cues from the issues and questions that often come up in this community, and hope you'll find it a useful tool.

For those of you not familiar with checklists, it works like this - you print out two copies of this page, and fill them in separately. Then compare and discuss.

Answer each question with:

  1. Dislike - won't do
  2. Not a turn on, but might do it for my partner
  3. Neutral - don't mind, or not sure
  4. Quite like
  5. Really like/love!

This checklist is not intended as a list of The Answers so much as a starting point for discussion and experimentation. Feel free to add your own extra notes and comments, for example if you like the idea of something but don't feel ready for it yet. And remember that your answers are not set in stone - in fact, expect them to change over time. This is not a binding contract!

Occasionally questions are gender-specific, or can be filled in twice (how do you feel about doing X and how do you feel about your partner doing X). Skip questions or answer them twice as you feel is appropriate.

Incidentally - we're sure you lovely people would never neglect to discuss contraception and STIs before you become sexually active. Health is not really the subject of this checklist, but in the interests of completeness and safety, we've included some questions about it at the end, along with links to further resources.

 

The Checklist

Masturbation

Alone: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
In front of parther: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Watch partner: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Watch each other at the same time:             1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

Topics for discussion
How is masturbation different from sex with your partner?
In what ways is it better? Worse?
How do you feel about your partner masturbating?

 

Erotica / Pornography

Look at sexually explicit materials (books, movies, magazines, Web sites, etc.)             1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Alone, without partner's knowledge 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Alone, with partner's knowledge 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
With your partner 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

Topics for discussion
What kind of porn do you like? dislike? are curious about?
How do you feel about erotica/porn in general?
How do you feel about your partner looking at erotica/porn?
In what ways might porn affect your relationship?

 

Virtual sex

Phone sex with your partner: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Phone sex with another person: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Online sex chat with your partner: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Online sex chat with another person: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Online sex in a virtual environment (ex. Second Life):             1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

Topics for discussion
How do you define sex?
How do you define cheating?

 

Voyeurism / Exhibitionism (watching and being watched)

Strip for your partner: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Your partner strips erotically for you: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Watch a professional stripper: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Give your partner a lap dance: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Receive a lap dance from your partner: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Receive a lap dance from a professional stripper: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Watch your partner receive a lap dance from a professional stripper:             1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

 

Manual sex (mutual masturbation)

Give: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Receive: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Simultaneously give and receive:             1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

Topics for discussion
In general, how important is giving/receiving manual sex to you?
How does it compare to other forms of sex?
What makes it better? Worse?

 

Oral sex

Give: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Receive: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
69 (Simultaneously give and receive):             1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Deep throat: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Come in mouth: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Come on body: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Come on face: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Snowballing: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

Topics for discussion
In general, how important is giving/receiving oral sex to you?
What makes it better? Worse?
Do you need to use barriers (condoms, dental dams)?
How do you feel about kissing after oral?

 

Anal sex

Giving
Finger(s):             1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Toys: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Penis: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Tongue: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Receiving
Finger(s): 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Toys: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Penis: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Tongue: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

Topics for discussion
In general, how important is giving/receiving anal sex to you?
What do you like or dislike about giving/receiving anal sex?
What makes anal sex better? Worse?
Have you read up on how to have anal sex safely (what toys are suitable, lube, etc)?

 

Basic positions

Missionary (face to face):             1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Rear entry: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Side by side: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Standing: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Seated: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Other(s) (describe) 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

Topics for discussion
What are your favorite positions?
What do you like about them?
How are they different?
Are you interested in experimenting with new positions found in books/websites?

 

Period sex

Manual sex: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Oral sex: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Vaginal intercourse:            1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

Topics for discussion
How do you feel about being sexual while you or your partner is menstruating?
When using barriers (condoms, dental dams)?
When using an internal form of protection (tampons, menstrual cups)?

 

Location

Room(s) other than bedroom:             1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Car: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Outdoors: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Semi public space (describe): 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Other (describe): 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

Topics for discussion
How important is the setting (privacy, clean room, fresh sheets, TV on or off, music, candles, etc.)?
If you are considering sex in public, do you know the laws for your area?

 

Wardrobe

Wear sexy clothes in private: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Wear sexy clothes in public: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Special fabric - describe (silk, leather, latex, etc.):             1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Crossdressing: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

 

Sex toys


Feather, or other sensation play: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Edibles (chocolate, whipped cream, fruit, etc.):             1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Vibrator (clitoral): 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Vibrator (internal): 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Dildo 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Butt plug 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Nipple clamps 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Cock ring 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Other (describe) 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

Topics for discussion
Do you own any sex toys?
What do you like or dislike about sex toys?
In general, how important are sex toys to you?

 

Communication

Offer partner tips and direction:             1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Request tips and direction: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Sexy / dirty talk: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Share desires and fantasies: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

Topics for discussion
How do you prefer to get feedback, constructive criticism?
Do you prefer to have these conversations face to face? on the phone? over the internet?
If your partner wanted to tell you something / ask for something, but was afraid to bring it up, how would you put them at ease?

 

Bondage, dominance, submission

Topping
Hold down your partner 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Tie down your partner 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Blindfold your partner 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Give your partner orders 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Handle your partner forcefully (wrestling, pulling hair, etc.) 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Spank your partner 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Other (describe) 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Bottoming
Be held down 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Be tied down 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Be blindfolded 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Obey orders 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Be handled forcefully 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Be spanked 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Other (describe) 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

Topics for discussion
Have you tried any of these activities before? how did you react?
Is kink important to you?
Do you feel your relationship is ready?
What potential problems could come up?
Have you read up on safety?

 

Quality and quantity

How often do you like to have sex?
If you are currently having sex: would you prefer to have sex more or less often?
How important is it for you to have an orgasm every time?
How do you feel about quickies?
How important are long, planned sessions?

 

The health stuff - contraception

Are you currently on any form of birth control?
Which methods have you used in the past?
Which methods do you prefer?
Are there any medical situations (latex allergy, sensitivity to spermicide, etc) that need to be taken into account?
Do you have EC on hand in case of a contraceptive failure?
What would you do in case of a pregnancy?

Since this is not the place for a full discussion of birth control, we point you to the following sites for more info: Teenwire, The BBC on contraception, Consumerreports.org comparative table of contraceptive methods, Emergency Contraception. This LJ birthcontrol community is a good place to go if you have any further questions.

 

The health stuff - STIs

Have you been tested for STIs? when?
Have you had any sexual partners since?

Anyone who is sexually active (including oral and anal sex) is at risk for STIs, and many people who have an STI are completely unaware of it. We recommend you look through the following sites for more info on STIs, testing, and protection: Planned Parenthood, Teenwire, The ASHA.

 

The health stuff - physical and mental health

Do you have any health issues that your partner should be aware of?
Are you on any long term medication?
Can you think of any emotional hot spots? things you would absolutely not be okay with, or things that might need extra care?

 

 

We would love to hear any feedback on the checklist itself, or any experiences you had using it. Leave us a comment here, or check our profiles for contact info.