Attempt #3 has finally resulted in salt and pepper tofu just the way I like it! Yess! It looks just like it's supposed to, but I didn't take a photo.

Ingredients:

• 'Salt and pepper' spice mix (see this recipe – salt, pepper, msg, five spice)


• One pack firm tofu


• Corn starch – in a bowl or plate


• Garlic, chili, spring onion – all chopped. Make more than you think.


• Vegetable oil

Method:

• Drain and dry the tofu. Cut into cubes.


• On a low heat, add some of the chilis and garlic to the oil. When they're done, fish them out with a spoon.


• Coat a quarter of the cubes in corn starch


• On a medium-high heat, add the tofu to the frying pan. To get it browning, you will need:
  
  
  • Plenty of oil
  
  
  • Plenty of space – do not overcrowd the pan
  
  
  • Wait for a side to brown before turning
  
  


• Set aside and repeat with the next batch


• Once all the tofu is done, crank the heat up to max and add the remaining garlic, chili, and spring onion.


• When they're sizzling bordering on charring add the tofu and toss together with plenty of salt and pepper mix.

St Giles Fair popped up yesterday. As is now routine, I marched right up to the Only Good Ride there (Storm – best views of Oxford you will ever have an opportunity to get, non spinny-dizzy making, should be a permanent installation as far as I'm concerned) and got in the queue.

Obviously I was mostly surrounded by mobs of 15 year olds full of loud bravado. In front of me though was a kid probably about 10 years old, wearing a blue dinosaur jumper and only juust tall enough to ride. Her mum was standing next to her but on the other side of the fence, and kiddo kept reaching out to grab her hand tightly, and looking up at the ride uncertainly. It does look intimidating from the base, much more so than from further away.

So obviously I said hi to them both and asked kid if I could ride with her because I'm by myself (the ride seats in pairs). She looked SO relieved, as did her mum, and kid immediately started telling me that she wasn't sure about this but really wanted to try. I told her I was a bit scared too but also really excited because I've been on this ride before and it's the BEST. She looked unconvinced but made me promise to ride with her (OBVIOUSLY). She told me not to worry because she gets nauseous sometimes but she never throws up, which I thought was very gracious, and she said very seriously that it sounds nice but actually it's sometimes better to throw up because then you feel better. As we were getting buckled in she started saying 'I think I might really regret this when it starts going… I hope I don't cry!' to the slight consternation of the staff, but they just made a big show of checking she was tall enough and safely buckled in and right off you go. And then as soon as we went flying up she was like WHEEE OMG WHEEEEE THIS IS THE BEEEST.

There's a bit of the ride when you just hang out at the top, sitting (not spinning or anything) several storeys above the tallest nearby buildings, and she started out being like 'I can't look! It's too scary!' but I started pointing out the rad cam, and st marys, and the hills beyond Oxford and she got quite into it before we went whooshing down again.

It was too super cute. Her mum was profusely grateful, and I checked with the kid if she regretted it in the end ('NO!'), gave her a thumbs up, and continued on my way home. I wish my commute was always like that! OK maybe not always but like… 10% of the time.

There was also a stall advertising 'hang from the bar for 2 minutes and win £30!!' that was attracting a real crowd. I kind of stared at it and thought how awesome it would be to impress the lot of them, but I think I probably can't. I've never tried to hang more than one minute. I suspect I could do it on a thin, grippy bar like the hoop, but thick smooth pull up bars are much harder, and it definitely looked like one of them. I'm not accounting for them having greased it either ;) (Actually I doubt they need to, no one who tried managed to break the 60 second barrier).

* * *

On a bloggy note, sorry about the individual post pages not working. I did some basic troubleshooting and couldn't find what's causing it, suspect I need to do a full backup and install the latest version of the software but I haven't had a moment.

The final tally was I think

Ads read: easily hundreds
Flats seen in person: 24
Unsuccessful offers made: 5 (two slightly low offers where I wasn't that excited about the place and wasn't too sad to lose, three at my max when I loved the place)
Successful offers made: 1

Started looking: October/November 2016
Offer accepted on: May 10th
Completion date: August 17th

The flat was vacant with no chain, so the sale could theoretically have been finished within a few weeks. It's been a constant 'alright! let's exchange early next week' / 'actually no we can't after all...' the whole time, which has worn down both my patience and excitement to tiny, barely-functioning stubs. But it is now finally accomplished, which is at least a relief if not quite a restorative.

Most of the delay (2.5 months of it) was caused by a dispute between the seller and a random person who had illegally parked multiple vehicles in the driveway. This is of course extra hilarious because I don't have a car (but the parking space is worth a fair bit of cash so eff off, random belligerent dishonest person, and take your cars with you). Then the exact day that was resolved and we were therefore finally ready to exchange I almost backed out because a new listing went up that was larger, cheaper, and more central – of course it ended up going up in price beyond my max, so the original flat got the go ahead.

Percentage increase from my initial sensible max, to what I had to reach in the end to get a flat I was happy with: 20% (wibble)
Holidays not had because of needing to be here for planned or possible house related goings on: two
Amount learned about mortgages, leaseholds, conveyancing, and parking rights: a downright tedious amount

Basically if anyone is doing this, my sympathies and assistance are yours to command. All the false starts and delays and disappointments sucked BUT I do now know a lot and was a lot more confident at the third negotiation than the first. So that is something.

A few months ago I bought a jar of curry sauce on a whim because it was so stupidly on sale. I didn't think it tasted that great out of the jar (which was not too surprising, do they make those things out of sugar or what) but the meal I made up to jazz it up was so successful it's now on regular rotation. It makes 4-5 servings so that's pretty much lunches sorted for a week, and people in the kitchen always say it looks and smells delicious mwa ha. It goes like this:

Ingredients (pretty much any given ingredient is optional/substitutable):

• Jar of curry sauce - any brand or type you want


• Bag of quorn chicken pieces, or two packs of halloumi. I'm sure meat would work too. Or eggs.


• 1-2 tins of tomato


• An onion. Other vegetables probably.


• Chopped frozen spinach. I can't explain why but this one actually feels very necessary, it seems to be what makes it go from an OK tomato sauce to a TASTY FILLING SAUCE.


• The sorts of things you might use if you were actually making food from scratch: garlic, ginger, spices, tomato paste, gochujang or chilis or hot sauce or... but you don't have to if you really don't want to.

How to:

• If you're doing halloumi, fry it in batches and set aside.


• Chop the onion. Fry it to your preferred compromise of caramelising vs patience.


• Add any of the spices, pastes etc.


• If you're adding more vegetables and they're not too delicate (e.g. peppers, squash) this seems like about the right time.


• Add the jar of pre made sauce and extra tomato.


• Add the frozen spinach, more than you think.


• Simmer, taste, adjust.


• Quorn chicken can go in whenever. Halloumi is better added at the last minute or its saltiness leaks out. More delicate vegetables also go in at the end.

Personally I like to have this with rice and lentils (make in the same pot, add at appropriate stages depending on cooking times). You could also do couscous or potatoes or naan or whatever.

Of course you can just not use the pre made sauces at all, they're in no way necessary. I just find that it makes things taste a bit different than if I'd reached for my usual spice combinations alone.

* * *

Opposite recipe template, for one serving of a thing: I have pretty much perfected the practice of Putting An Egg In Something to make it a meal.

It started from seeing this comic on cheating poached eggs in the microwave float around twitter, and I did use that technique a few times to add a bit of substance to leftovers or toast or whatever, but it's really taken off since I've realised I don't even need to poach the egg separately.

Recipe template goes like this:

• Take a food that can be cooked in the microwave, such as: instant noodles, rice vermicelli noodles, couscous, grits.


• Put in large bowl. Add seasoning, such as: salt, spices, stock/bouillon, hot sauce, pickled lemon, jalapeno brine, pesto, soy sauce... whatever you have that works with your main ingredient. Add boiling water and stir.


• Crack in one or two eggs.


• Microwave for 2-3 minutes, or until egg is mostly cooked (it'll set at the bottom but not the top usually). If it still looks just-cracked, give it another minute. You can also break up the whites and stir them through the food to help them set.


• Spoon a bit of food over the egg(s) to help the top set. Cover the bowl it's a good eating temperature.


• Egg(s) should now be perfectly cooked through. Enjoy your food.

As well as cupboard things, you can also use leftovers that just need heating, such as soup, sauce based things, or rice. This is handy because a left over half-portion that isn't quite enough on its own becomes a fully fledged meal if you Add An Egg. You'll probably want to heat them up before adding the egg to help with the timing.

The Power (Naomi Alderman)
OK first up: I loved the whole experience of reading this.

In short, it's a revenge fantasy/dystopia type of thing where women across the globe wake up to find themselves with superpower levels of physical strength in the form of jolts of electricity, and pretty much within a generation turn the world upside down.

There's no way of describing any aspect of the plot or conceit in more detail that doesn't sound kind of tediously cliché and yes the Atwood/Le Guin influence is visible from miles away (I was only surprised to find in the acknowledgments that they'd both personally helped her, goshness. But think more The Matter of Seggri than The Left Hand of Darkness).

Illuminating current inequalities by simply reversing them can be a cheap trick, a little too transparent to illuminate so much as just set up 'gotcha' moments. But this book complicates the situation just enough to keep it fresh and relevant. She keeps the mix of exhilaration and fear just right to keep the pages turning. And the little interludes into everything from cable news segments to museum artefact labels to Reddit threads are so sharp they're a total pleasure to read.

That said I'm not convinced it has the reread value of a Le Guin.

Revelation Space (Alastair Reynolds)
Lent by a friend, thank you friend!

Overall: I enjoyed reading this book, but it did not make a huge impression. I would say the best bits are, unexpectedly, the descriptions – of people and their environments especially. It hit that exact fsf sweet spot between on the one hand foreign, unfamiliar etc bordering on alienating, and on the other something you can relate to and get invested in.

Characters were also thoroughly enjoyable (except the first viewpoint character, screw him, I know he's not meant to be likeable because of Reasons but is he meant to be quite that... dull? The other two were both women and both great, go figure). Also enjoyable, the way in which the separate plotlines all converge on each other. I hate it when the fate of the universe is only really in peril because the characters haven't worked out that they have to share notes. To my happiness this book set that up perfectly and then went and did something much cooler instead and I had a great time reading it.

Less good… the book is sort of presented as a mystery, where each of the characters has a piece of the puzzle for you to put together. What is this alien artefact on this distant planet? What happened to the alien race who made it lo these many millennia ago? And how does it relate to the fishy goings on right now? This made me a little nervous because I have a habit of falling straight for the red herring like the most gullible reader imaginable, ending up a healthy step or two behind the detective instead of one step in front, patiently waiting for them to catch me up on their brilliant leaps of logic. But I need not have worried. Instead of sort of playing with your expectations, giving you a mix of good clues and false leads, this book goes like this:

1) Reveal some new information, making sure to really flag it like HI LOOK AT ME. 2) Get a viewpoint character to explain it, to themselves or to another character. Reader and characters all caught up now, great. 3) Repeat.

It's a bit… spoon-feed-y. At least once he explained the same thing multiple times in a row, like let's say a character talks it through once to themselves, then again to their crew, then again to a newbie crew member. I read each explanation faithfully to see if the repetition was there in order to reveal that actually, Character had misunderstood something, or was lying to New Recruit, or some other reason, but no, it was just to explain it again mere pages after the original exposition. So in a way it wasn't at all a mystery, it was more of a romp where one thing happens after another.

Feersum Endjinn (Iain M. Banks)
Kind of the opposite experience here in that as I was reading I was only half sure I'd understood half of it correctly. Every page was pretty much Hard Work to even guess at what's going on and what level of reality you're operating in.

Similarly to the only other Banks book I've read (Consider Phlebas) it felt more like a platform for him to explore ideas for the fun of it rather than there being any actual stakes for characters. Despite that I did look forward to getting to it each night, and I managed to stay in a good headspace balancing figuring things out and going with the flow. It certainly never got boring.

Obligatory mention that one of the viewpoint characters talks phonetically, in the style of the title. Yes that is a bit of a pain (probably extra painful if you're American as his phonetic accent is a slightly difficult to define Scots/regional one) but it's also kind of fun. Not half as bad as books written in second person present tense or whatever in my opinion. By the end I found I was reading it at normal speed, but instead of the words just appearing as concepts in my mind it was more like my mind was reading aloud to me. Not entirely unpleasant. That said, ½ for 'have' drove me consistently round the bend, especially as just about the time when I got used to scanning it as 'have' without interrupting the reading flow he started dropping in some to mean 'half' too.

And while I'm here, a reread/re-review now that old blog posts are no longer visible:

Chime (Franny Billingsley)
A Young Adult book that no blurb can adequately describe, read the first paragraph instead. I've raved about this one before, and yep, I still think it's amazing, beautifully and originally written and one of the best unreliable narrators you'll have the pleasure of doubting. I think this is my third read through and now I know what's going on it's not at all confusing, just very satisfying to watch it all unfold.

Further recommendations welcome!

I've enjoyed the memory jog of rereading some old posts as I tidy this place up a bit and thought it was a bit of a shame that there's nothing much recorded for this year just ended. Going through my Google calendar for memory prompts, so these are roughly in chronological order. There will be no global politics in this post.

• I got a part time evening job teaching at the JR, which has been both surprisingly challenging and very satisfying. And the extra income is also currently proving invaluable. I'm really glad I did it even though it's a strain on my calendar.


• A whole bunch of people stayed over at various points. It is lovely to have guests and it's one of the things I'm trying to keep in mind when looking at places, although I'm not yet clear whether that's compatible with my location preferences.


• Anna and I took a trip to Seattle with friends for a wedding (hi friends!) and a roadtrip through the US and Canada to get to Whistler, which was gorgeous.


• We also went to a wedding here in Oxford, the first one I've been to of two women.


• I seriously upped my cooking skills. I cooked with lots of new to me ingredients and techniques.


• Family visited from Israel and we went to the Harry Potter studios.


• I played a lot of Star Realms with basically everyone. Really rusty now though, I'd like to play more.


• I joined the cult of Hamilton, the musical.


• My fitness and physical abilities are the best they've ever been and continue to improve. I even ended up joining the work gym and have made a habit of stretching out during lunchbreaks. (I honestly wish you didn't need a gym to do that, but that seems to be the world we live in).


• I turned 30.


• Two weeks later Anna broke up with me, two weeks after that I moved out. I'm not sure what else to say on those things, which are ultimately the more defining features of this year for me.


• I moved into a place with the cutest cats. (And good humans too ;)).


• I leaned heavily on friends, and they really came through for me.


• I went to Israel twice. I would sum it up as unbearable quantities of sunshine the first time, disappointingly little the second time!


• I switched up my role in the organisation I volunteer at, enjoying the change so far.


• I took a workshop on contortion (!) and realised I have a better back bend and splits than I knew. Have been working on them a bit since too.


• I played a board game biweekly all year. Started a roleplaying game but unfortunately had to leave it post breakup.


• I saw Welcome to Night Vale live (Ghost Stories), a fantastic performance which just happened to answer something I've been wondering about for a while.

This list may be added to. It's not quite the random thoughts and informal workings out I normally write here, but it's something at least.

Before writing this list I would have said that 2016 was an incredibly difficult year for me personally, and not just because of the ending. It felt a lot like being on hold, only just treading water, and then after all that, going sharply backwards. It's been surprisingly pleasant to complicate that interpretation with this reminder that time was actually moving forwards all along.

Hi blog. It's been a while since I last posted anything. But I saw some people posting new year's resolutions, immediately remembered my old blog posts on those lines, and thought 'I wonder what they'd be this year?'. They were so immediately obvious I just had to write them down.

1) Buy a flat
Yep, buy. I'm currently living with friends in a situation that's somewhere between short term and long term. When Anna and I moved in together we were so thrilled with the place and so un-thrilled with the stress of finding somewhere to rent in Oxford that the plan was to stay there for a long time and eventually move on to buying somewhere, possibly that very house. Things didn't quite work out like that, but this is as good an opportunity to buy as I'm likely to get for a while, and I'm really excited by the thought of possibly making it happen.

More on this probably soon. I've already done my best to sort out the financial side and seen a few places, but nothing that's got particularly far. Maybe I'll write it up.

2) Leave my breakup in the past
Anna breaking up with me was the first time I've experienced ending a very entangled, long term, marriage-like committed and cohabitating relationship, and also the first significant breakup that was not in any way my choice or mutual, and also first breakup that involved what on this blog I will only call shenanigans. It was an unexpected and very painful cap to 2016, or 30th birthday present. But it's been just long enough that the acute crisis is over and practicalities have been sorted. The trajectory from here has to be up and away.

I suspect exactly what this resolution involves might change over time to be honest. I'm expecting some combination of:

• Keeping busy


• Avoiding most contact and second hand news


• Being physically active more days than not


• Feeling free to talk to people about it when I do want to


• Letting the chips fall where they will with regards to mutual friends and shared hobbies


• Trying new stuff and meeting new people, not being scared to make changes.

3) Fix the blog
This poor blog. Did you know it has been going since November 2004? I actually first typed that as 2014, 2004 doesn't even seem like a real year to have a blog or even a 'weblog'. Of course in the last few years saying that it's been 'going' is a bit of a stretch. There have been a few factors to that, the biggest is that I've cut my home internetting time to a fraction of what it once was. I also ran into some technical glitches that I didn't fix particularly promptly, and I originally promised myself that I would improve the design (which hasn't changed substantially since 2004, last tweaked in 2010) before posting more, but didn't get around to it. Another reason was that Anna was never interested in reading this blog, and I naturally shared funny anecdotes, thinky thoughts etc with her first, so I lost momentum to also write those kinds of things here as well. I have a whole bunch of draft posts from the last year and I still compose them in my head a lot but actually finishing them and pressing Publish hasn't been happening.

Anyway as previously mentioned what I want to do is to get the blog to a state where I can happily post links around the place when I post something new, such as on Twitter. Maybe actually have people reading and responding by whatever means. In order to do this I need to:

• Redo the CSS and whatnot so it's less horrifying on a mobile browser. Not sure to what extent I value keeping the current nostalgic design untouched for desktops, we'll see.


• Hide old posts and start with a relatively clean slate.

And this should allow me to enjoyably:

• Post whenever I feel like it. This will never be like bored sixth former/university Shani days. I'm expecting to average about once a month, but it would still be nice to have the option. Also unlike in 2004, there doesn't seem to be much scope for the kind of half-private thing I had going here. It's either fully open to all (old and trusted friends, current colleagues, future employers, potential new friends, trolls) alike, or completely anonymous, which this blog could never become. So if it's to continue at all it has to be option 1. Expect recipes, is what I'm saying.


• Maybe post particular kinds of things: there are a small handful of ideas I've been meaning to start, now might be the time. (They are, as some of you have probably heard in person: snap judgement/skim read lunchtime book reviews, eat my way down the entire Cowley Road and review places, Shani approves/disapproves of ads [I have some idiosyncratic criteria it turns out]).

4) Improve my Hebrew
When has this not been a resolution? Anyway:

• Read the family whatsapp chatter: this I already do


• Reply on the group at least occasionally, preferably in Hebrew


• Finish the duolingo course, it's easy enough (that said both this and the above would be easier if I was better able to type in Hebrew, I should sort something out)


• Find some sort of vocabulary flashcards that allow me to test my spelling rather than comprehension


• Find podcasts in Hebrew to listen to (I did try but didn't find any that didn't have better equivalents in English - might need to seek out recommendations)


• Maybe try to find local people to talk to in person (leads appreciated, pref not Chabad related)

5) Read more books
When I packed up and moved into my current place I rediscovered my to-read pile... and promptly polished it off within two weeks. I now have no books left that I want to read?! I honestly never thought I would get to this stage in life where the books are coming in more slowly than I'm reading them. And I noticed a marked improvement in my sleep when I read in bed compared to poking my phone in bed, or even listening to podcasts.

So I think this resolution has two parts: 1) Read in bed as a habit to replace phone in bed, and 2) Read a minimum of a book a week. The latter will happen by definition if I'm doing the former, but the former is vastly more likely to happen if I have an interesting book on the go.

To make this happen I need to:

• Make much more space for books in my budget. Done.


• Seek out recommendations and buy more books. Can you believe when I was a teenager I was on ebay several times a week, always looking for books? I didn't even have a debit card. I sent them cheques in the post. Anyway I wonder if it can still be done for a couple of quid a go.


• Get people to lend me books, ask for books on any gift-giving occasion.

6) Build community
This is something I've wanted to do for a while and was planning to do with Anna as a couple once her s phd was out of the way, but hey, no time like the present.

I think this is something like:

• Making my living space (when I have one of my own) a welcoming one where people can come round for food and company. Both as a general principle, but I also want to establish a bit of a routine of having people round on a particular day so it can become a Thing.


• Find ways to spend time with friends that are also us just getting on with our lives and helping each other to do so. E.g: going grocery shopping together, doing a clearout or deep clean, batch cooking together, DIY, life admin sessions.


• Also, a similar approach for less 'productive' but still good to have company stuff like going for a walk/hike or setting aside time to do drawing, writing etc. Playing music together? Could that be a thing?!


• Stepping up and being the one to organise/help organise things like occasional dinner outings/plays/concerts/events/weekends away.


• Continue to volunteer. I wondered at some points if I should stop or step back on some of my commitments as generally recommended in 'self care' advice, but I don't think that's right for me at the moment.

The thing that most surprised me about these last couple of months, and which writing this post has reminded me of, is how little has changed for me in terms of my convictions and desires despite my actual life being turned upside down. I still enjoy the things I enjoyed, I still want the things I wanted. In some ways things are a lot harder, but in other ways they seem fundamentally the same, and it's maybe a little easier to pursue what I want without compromise, which is some small relief. If nothing else I at least feel constantly decisive. We'll just have to wait and see how it goes.

Good luck to me and to all of you too!

P.S. this feels like such a very post-breakup New Year kind of post, like a new gym membership. But the actual reason for all of the posting action happening right now is that I'm ill with a cold and off work, ha.

So yesterday I gave blood. Initially it was a bit of a faff because I signed up for a study they were doing requiring some extra bits and bobs and I was also randomly selected for a 'dry pack' (apparently they have 1 per donation session, instead of being steadily rocked the blood is allowed to clot and separate and used for research purposes instead of donation). Whether because there was a fault in the special pack or just because of an error getting it in the vein, no blood came out at all and I could tell I was developing a bruise because the needle hurt, which it doesn't normally. So we took it out, did all the fussy paperwork of a failed attempt, and did a normal donation in the other arm, which went flawlessly (including the 4 extra little vials for the trial) - no pain, six minutes to donate, no sign of it left on my arm, I felt fine.

A couple of hours later I left work and walked home. Popped in for a second to pick up Anna and then we continued towards a friends' place for a game. When we were almost there I felt 'a bit weird' and stopped for a rest at a bus stop, and then I promptly keeled over and came to wondering why so many people were bothering me when I was having such a nice rest in bed.

I have to say everyone involved was amazing. Anna was obviously sitting by me, but another woman was holding my hand and asking my name in a no nonsense competent sort of a way, so I wasn't surprised to hear she worked at the JR. Another guy was calling an ambulance. I managed to convince them both that I was OK so we stopped ordering the ambulance and the guy left, and the hospital-lady did too, after checking I was able to stand up and making us promise we'd take a taxi home. We actually rang the friends to say to come get us to theirs because it was closer anyway. But then unfortunately I fainted again.

Was confused to find the same guy back again but it turned out he'd actually just gone to the corner shop to get me a bottle of water and some chocolate, bless! He called the ambulance for reals this time, and then had to chase after them when we saw them coming but turn off down the wrong road. They showed up and they were so great, really friendly and reassuring but also super efficient at getting information and taking action. It turns out my blood pressure was low, but actually not scary-low or even fluctuating too much when I stood up and sat down. What had really done me in was the cold - my temperature (measured through my ear, coool) was 34*C. Their prescription was sofa, blankets, hot drinks, lots of carbs - thankfully no hospital trip required, they just took us home.

I was kind of annoyed this happened literally one minute's walk away from a warm sofa where we were expecting to drink lots of hot drinks and eat a carb feast. A bit of me really wished I'd made it that minute further and had my evening roughly as planned instead of sitting resentfully on my sofa. But it's definitely better to know what's going on, even with hot drinks and a duvet in a warm room it took a surprisingly long time (about 2 hours) for my extremities to warm up to normal temperature and I might have not made the effort if I didn't realise it was anything serious.

Things I have learned:

• You can feel nauseous before you faint. Worth knowing as it can give you enough time to prepare so you don't hurt yourself falling (luckily I was with someone and already sitting down).


• Minus a pint of blood it is harder to keep body temperature up, presumably especially so if you're small to start with, so beware cold weather. I definitely noticed that my hands still felt cold even when in my pockets, and that heating them on my neck didn't seem to last at all, both of which are unusual for me, but I put it down to it just being an extra cold night rather than as a sign of anything wrong with me.


• Eating a million extra chocolates is not good enough even though that's what they give you after a donation session. Think bread instead, both before and after. I thought I was so smart picking broccoli as my side at lunch, for the iron, but I should probably have gone for the pasta salad instead.


• I could probably also have drunk more water, normally I drink until I truly can't force down any more for hours, but this time work got busy and I was in meetings instead of at my desk so only drank at 'plenty of water' instead of 'about to burst' quantities.


• Even if you feel fine, best to take it extra easy rather than wait for any signs that you may have overdone it. And it's definitely best to act extra pathetic and give in to the slightest desire for rest even if you're not sure if it's just ordinary mental tiredness or what. Like when I stopped at home I felt like I needed a bit of a sit down, but it didn't even occur to me that a further 10 minutes of walking before said sit down might actually be too much.


• This kind of stuff is surprisingly scary for everyone involved even if you're basically fit and healthy and the cause is fairly obvious. I hope the dude who stayed to help out feels like a right hero, the water was instantly feel-bettering and him being able to call and direct the ambulance while Anna stayed with me was also incredibly helpful.


• The ambulance staff were fantastic, and so attentive down to the smallest detail like checking whether Anna was my friend or partner. Much appreciation for their work.

So there you go. And I know this isn't the best advert, but if you don't already donate blood and you're eligible, consider signing up. I'm a borderline case because of my size (and after this fun experience will definitely be considering pausing donations until such a time as I'm a bit less small) and the less desperate they are for donations the better for everyone, patients and donors.

So I recently found my eye caught by an uncharacteristically brightly coloured book in the corridor, titled 'Debating Same-Sex Marriage'. Obviously I failed to restrain myself from picking it up.

At first I was just annoyed with the whole idea that in this day and age (er, 2012) an academic publisher would want to publish not an academic consideration of this oh so thrilling debate but an instalment of it. AS THOUGH it's an intellectually equal fight. I mean OUP USA do publish some odd stuff in this realm, but even so. However on picking it up my confusion only increased as I found the blurb on the back of the book went as follows:

1. Quote praising the book as a whole as timely, eloquent, and admirably polite


2. Quote praising Maggie Gallagher as a 'hero' to people 'who care about life, marriage, and religious liberty'


3. Quote praising John Corvino's 'sharp philosophical analysis' or why SSM is a 'positive moral good'


4. Quote praising Maggie's arguments as 'carefully reasoned and often deeply moving'


5. Quote praising John for keeping his cool in the face of 'sometimes infuriatingly insulting arguments' and making an 'elegant, forceful, civil, and inspired' case for SSM

And then I laughed out loud when I looked a little closer and realised the quotes weren't from like, newspaper book reviews (because what reputable book-reviewing establishments were willing to say that SSM is terrible?!), but in fact quote 2 was from Senator Rick Santorum... and quote 5 was from Dan Savage. (See here for why it's kind of entertaining to have them both glowingly compliment the same book). So hats off to you, OUP US publicity dept, you have succeeded in creating stirrings of curiosity about a topic I've really had my fill of, even if it is only my drama radar pinging.

I haven't yet had a chance to even properly glance through it (which is probably all I will ever do, as I don't particularly expect to encounter anything in it I haven't heard before), but out of curiosity I googled it and checked out a few reviews. What's striking is that this book, which is clearly all about having this ~debate~ without the yells so that people can hear each other properly, seems to have pitched itself so very perfectly in both directions that actually all you see in it is what you already think, like a mirror. Everyone seems to think that THEIR champion makes a very good case for THEIR side (bar a couple of token remarks about aspects they felt was lacking in depth/rigor, i.e. that the reviewer would totally have done a better job on), while the representative for the other side blatantly misses their excellent points and succeeds only in embarrassing themselves with a public display of just how irrational they really are and how massively flawed their understanding is of the other's rock-solid arguments.

The pro-SSM reviewers call Gallagher rambling, repetitive, and full of logical fallacies, while the anti-SSM reviewers repeatedly complain that Corvino resorts to tugging at the heartstrings with personal anecdotes and failing to acknowledge Gallagher's points as facts. Both complain that the response to their side completely misunderstands what was actually said.

Nowhere have I seen any sign of someone saying that after reading this book they now have a lot more empathy for the other side, let alone found themselves persuaded to actually agree with them. And yet everyone seems to be convinced that it will have this effect on other people, especially of the other side, because theirs is so obviously persuasive. That is kind of fascinating in itself.

I can't help feeling that the 'A, B' form of debating is just ultimately not all that helpful. It's not actually the case that the book is perfectly balanced, as the blurbs make it out to be, so much as that just both sides are represented and no one steps outside their own box. I have fantasies of being able to conduct debates in such a way that the fundamental disagreements behind the arguments are actually condensed into their purest form, such as disagreements over evidence, priorities, or values. This is probably not that book, although who knows, I haven't actually read it.

Edit: have now taken a quick look and predictably enough Corvino seems patient, thorough and entertaining, while Gallagher's sections are kind of a disorganised mess and read like panic and disgust only thinly papered over with politeness and forced joviality. They're actually significantly worse than I thought they would be. Opening each of their Replies at random I have:

Corvino:
'I have already explained why I think the Message and Stretching arguments don't work. Has Gallagher given us reason to reconsider those rebuttals? I don't think so. Let's take a look at each of the three points in turn.'

Gallagher:
'I vividly remember the first time I pointed out to a Yale student all the ways in which the law disadvantages people opposed to interracial marriage: her eyes widened. She had never thought of that.'

How can they even write this sort of thing with a straight face? Honestly! And I take back the no side engages with the other thing. He totally does, he just doesn't accept as facts the things she accepts as facts i.e. that gay marriage would cause a moral bubonic plague. And with that line I land myself in exactly the same pickle as everyone else who's reviewed this book, HOORAY, it turns out I am a human just like all the other humans.

For those who haven't already been sucked in (or tired of the hype), I should maybe explain a little. Welcome to Night Vale is a fiction podcast (a bit like a radio play), in the style of a local radio show for the beautiful and peculiar American desert town of Night Vale. The official website describes it as 'featuring local weather, news, announcements from the Sheriff's Secret Police, mysterious lights in the night sky, dark hooded figures with unknowable powers, and cultural events.' After seeing it on tumblr forever and then getting recommendations from actual friends I finally cracked.

This is how my listening has gone so far:

• Episode 1: Huh, I thought this would be a kind of gentle small town news pastiche, with little weird things creeping in more over time. But this is just FULL ON WEIRD TO THE FACE from the beginning, like, everything in that description is in the very first episode.


• Episodes 2-3: The writing and voice acting are good for sure, but I feel like it's just hitting the same note over and over. Do they think just being weird is interest and novelty enough in itself? Because it's getting kind of tiring actually.


• Episodes 4-12: I feel like it's settling in - or maybe I am. Now there are some threads to follow and the style is less overwhelming, it's become kind of easy, entertaining listening that makes me smile and look forward to buses and things. Also good to fall asleep to. Excellent, just what I wanted.


• Episode 13: OK, that was very clever. Consider me impressed. I wonder if this is a one off deviation from the usual format or if they want to keep shaking things up.


• Episodes 14-20: Evidently it was the latter. Character developments and plot oh my. Thumbs up to the writers for taking the risk of messing with it, and further thumbs up for pulling it off. Also attentive listening seems more rewarding than falling asleep to it now.


• Episodes 21-49B:IT'S A GOOD THING I CAN GET THROUGH 5-6 EPISODES IN A DAY WALKING TO AND FROM WORK BECAUSE I AM STUPIDLY INVESTED IN ALL OF THESE MANY PLOT LINES.


• Episode 50: Whew... I think I need a break actually.


• Episodes 50-56: They're still very good. Now listening to the odd one here and there when in the mood.

And that is as far as I've listened so far. I'm excited to get to the rest.

Funny thing is I've listened to the first few episodes again with Anna, and now that I know what they're setting up for, they actually are quite impressive in themselves. Also the jokes and investment build gradually, so some of the material that left me a bit ??? originally now cracks me up.

Anyway I highly recommend it if you want to see what all the fuss is about.

One odd thought I had is that it reminds me a lot of Gunnerkrigg Court, despite little overlap in content or style, or obviously format. But: they're both episodic, they're both released at a significantly slower pace than the pace of the story would seem to demand, they're both long form storytelling that builds on little details not initially presented as significant (but in retrospect were clearly meticulously planned), they both have an ambiguity where you're never quite sure if this is the sort of story where you can relax and things will be OK or if you're about to get your heart broken.

Not sure. The connection may only exist in my head because they have similar fandoms that both include me, ha.

Hmm I miss my blog! Sorry poor blog. I still talk to you in my head I just rarely get the chance to write anything down.

On a blog topic, RIP my HTC Wildfire, Jan 2011 - Jan 2016. Not a bad run.

A brief history of the phone: I bought the red one despite the guy in the shop being confused about why I didn't want grey (?!), almost died trying to get Hebrew to work on it a couple of years after that, put up with an ever increasing list of ailments (broked screen, replacement screen gathering increasing amounts of dust under it, any number of apps refusing to install or slowing to a halt, power button only liking to be pressed a certain way, camera getting so scuffed pictures were uselessly blurry, USB port getting finicky about unfamiliar USB cables, etc etc) until one day around Christmas I dropped it for the hundredth time and it made a very... final type of noise.

I picked it up expecting to see cracks, was momentarily relieved to find none, and then subsequently immediately disappointed to find the touch screen no longer responded on about 30% of its area. I survived the following couple of weeks mostly using the joystick which I was suddenly very grateful for the existence of.

It was time. I looked into possible replacements. My requirements were, in descending order of importance:

1. That thing you've heard me rant about 200+ times, i.e. 'small enough to fit in a women's front pocket and still allow you the use of your limbs' and/or 'usable one handed by a me', i.e. 'about the same size as my current phone' (106mm)


2. Sturdy and up to date enough to last several years.


3. Screen, OS, camera, battery, and other such specs - no specific thresholds for any of them, but the moar better, the better. It would be awesome to take great photos, run the latest apps, only charge it on a full moon, etc.


4. Budget not too much of an issue as I'm hoping it will also last 5 years or so so am OK sinking some cash into it if it helps to get my need met.

I quickly realised I had to give up on requirement 1 in its original form. Phones around that size technically did exist, such as the Galaxy Young (109mm, £50) but they were so extremely low end as to be laughable, i.e. you are literally pulling my leg, there is no way I am buying a phone with the exact same screen resolution and RAM as my current one, which I would like to point out was a mid-range model when it came out in 2010 and only runs at all because I've found workarounds for everything. I'd basically be buying my current phone but without the physical damage, which in all honestly, I came quite close to doing in moments of particular frustration, but wasn't exactly a path I'd be pleased about. Especially after fantasising about having a decent camera on my phone and playing music on it and possibly games?!

Taking a step up in size allowed for quite a step up in specs. Looking online I narrowed down my choices to:

• Galaxy S5 mini (2014, 131mm, 8MP camera, 1.5 GB RAM etc etc, £200)


• Z3 Compact (2014, 127mm, 2GB RAM, stupid-megapixel camera, shiny, waterproof, etc, £250)


• Z5 Compact (2015, same size and similar specs to the Z3 but EXTRA shinier and newer, £360)

Other brands didn't do mini versions of their 'normal' phones, or they were significantly bigger or crapper than these two, which stood out as the best of the lot. (I excluded dubious Chinese phones from my search).

But honestly I wasn't thrilled with any of my options. The Sony Compacts were winning the race, thanks to being that little bit smaller (which, seriously, I wasn't sure to what extent I was being I-know-what-I-like vs simply obstinate, but every single millimetre hurt and felt like it might be the tipping point between 'can work' and 'won't actually work, I am now seriously contemplating getting custom pockets in every pair of trousers I own', and if you're in that territory, it's time to just get an average sized phone and a handbag to carry it around in). And they were a lot shinier specs wise, unlike the Galaxies which seriously downgrade their flagship phones for the Mini versions, which I obviously resent. And I came into this willing to pay decent moneys for the best.

But when I got to use someone else's Sony, it just didn't quite feel right in the hand, kind of blocky - and in the pocket it felt very sort of wedged. Most concerningly given the price, the internet told a lot of stories of the screens being fragile, and same with the charging port covers on the Z3 (ugh why, even just the idea is annoying). I know some 'this phone is terrible!!' reviews are expected on any big product but it was out of proportion to other phones. Everyone was recommending protective cases but then we're back to now the phone is large again territory. Aargh.

In the end I thought I'd better not spend that kind of money on something I'm not totally sold on, and I might be better off getting a cheap second hand phone to tide me over until someone finally manufactures something I really want to buy, or the Compacts drop in price a bit more after a new release, or I just get less grumpy and resentful about the whole thing, but in any case some kind of a phone was needed more or less immediately. So I took a meander through the second hand shops of the Cowley Road, picking up various models and nope-ing them all for one reason or another (well, OK, one of either 'too big' or 'too crap'). Until after about an hour of browsing, that magic moment I'd been hoping for happened. A phone caught my eye, I picked it up, and thought: yes, you. (*Probably, pending further research to make sure I'm not being stupid).

It turned out to be a Galaxy S4 mini, which I vaguely remembered discarding from my original narrowing-down because buying a 2013 phone in 2016 felt like a stupid move given I want something that will last until like 2020 and surely phones just don't have that kind of life span. But using it in the shop it was perfectly snappy and felt good in the hand (124mm you guys, it's as good as it's likely to get). And having taken my expectations down from 'I'm going to buy the best!!' to 'I'm going to buy something good enough for now', the lower specs didn't upset me too much. I ended up getting one on Amazon because it was the same price the guy in the shop wanted for a good condition used one (£150). So hey, new phone after all, even if more sort of new-old-discount rather than top of the line new.

When it arrived it turned out not the original Galaxy S4 mini that was listed on the Amazon page (!), but actually an obscure Europe-only 2015 relaunch called the S4 mini plus. Same form factor and components as the original but an improved chipset and newer Android installed. This actually turned out to be kind of annoying because no one seems to have written a way to root it that I could find. I spent pretty much an entire day getting all set up - backing up everything from my old one, cutting my old sim to size with kitchen scissors, and then finally getting the new one running just the way I want it (sadly sans root access). And it's good!

My review of my ~huge upgrade in life~ after 2 weeks of using it:

• The moar pixels and nice bright dust-free display is just lovely for all tasks. For the first day it was a kind of pleasant shock each time and now it's just like ahh, a background relief at everything being that little bit better.


• Things pretty much just work without me having to jiggerypoke it all with string and paperclips. I (obviously) don't mind doing so but it's still nice for things to be easy.


• Streaming music and podcasts is the single best new thing by far. I'm listening to a lot more stuff since it can arrive directly in my phone instead of my having to download it on my PC and transfer to the player by hand. I'm also doing less smartphone-zombie walking now I have reliable entertainment through the earphones.


• Animated gifs work now, mostly making my Twitter feed cuter.


• Being able to just Get An App For That (for most reasonable values of That) is very handy. Some small life admin conveniences are now possible, and some just fun additions, by which I mean Neko Atsume.

Honestly, it hasn't made as big a difference as I actually expected, more on the 'nice' than the 'mindblowing' end of the spectrum. It really reminds me that my old one did a surprisingly good-enough job on essentials (email, phone, texts, calendar, web browsing, etc) right up until it finally broke for good. I haven't used my shinier phone's shinier capabilities to leap out of social media lurkerdom or learn a new language or read a million books or take beautiful photographs or anything. That said I am certainly very grateful for the number of inconveniences removed and little bits of pleasantness added. I expect if I were to try to use my old phone now even in pre-totally-b0rked form I'd find it irritating and difficult, presumably increasingly so as the muscle memory of all the 'oh it's fine if you do it exactly like *this*' wears off.

Other thoughts:

• I was totally willing to pay moar money for moar better screen, camera etc but having got a comparatively cheap model, it's quite nice not being too worried about it re drops, scrapes, reading in the bath, etc.


• It's very thin, light (107g vs 129g for the Xperias), with very rounded corners, and the back is plastic, all of which add up to reviews calling its feel 'cheap'. But having wandered around handling them, it turns out I actually prefer that to the Xperias' heavier, 'premium', beautiful-featureless-metal-glass-slab feel. I don't really know why, it's probably a load of nonsense, but it makes it feel smaller almost, and less brittle (and even less constantly fingerprint-grimy). And I like that it's easy to open and get the battery out, next best thing to being fully waterproof really.


• Having rehashed all this, I find I'm still mildly resentful of having got a 'low spec' phone, if only for the future. I can only imagine in two years I'm probably going to find myself resetting app updates that want me to have a more up to date Android version or more processing power than I have, carefully clearing out old files from phone storage, and so on. But I'm well aware this is entirely my fault for being so behind the curve. On the other hand perhaps things are slowing and it won't get left behind as quickly? I am not nearly in touch enough with the state of phone tech to say. I am glad to see that it's a lot snappier than the Wildfire was even when it was new so maybe all will be well.


• Omg apps are so needy these days. Just because I have a notification bar that can fit more than two things at a time doesn't mean I want you all to immediately fill it up with pointless junk. A new Twitter message? Sure, let me know. 'Someone on Twitter posted something that got multiple likes!!', however, is NOT a moment I need to be informed of. And these cheeky buggers won't let you turn them off either. My screen real estate and time and attention are not free resource for you you jerks, and all you've achieved is getting me to disable ALL notifications from your app in the OS. ...OK I feel better now.


• As for the all-important pocketing, I'm here to report that yes, it fits... but honestly, only just. I have to rock it in gently at the right angle, and if I'm wearing tight jeans, or wearing a warm layer under my trousers, it's a noticeably awkward ritual that e.g. cannot be performed sitting down. But once it's in it's comfy for sitting or walking, and that's the important thing. In the end I'm glad it's not even a tiny bit bigger, although without a long term loan of another phone to test in real life conditions it's hard to say to what extent an extra 3mm or whatever would actually make a difference in reality.


• One handed use is at a similar point, i.e. technically manageable, but not always, and not totally comfortably. I actually really miss the joystick for comfortable and accurate one handed scrolling/selecting. Bring them back people, they're so underrated. I wonder if this is an unusual UI preference of mine, like preferring trackpoints to trackpads and keyboards to mice - I like it when I can use very minimal, fast and accurate gestures to control my device instead of needing my whole hand/arm.

In the end, in relation to my requirements, I'd say I compromised on requirement 1 to the minimum feasible, and on 3 more than I'd like. We'll have to see if it has as long and happy a life as its predecessor did, which would ultimately make all the compromises and imperfections worth it.

Writing it all, I clearly did a lot of research and considering and trying, but I can't help but think I probably just got the phone that presented itself IRL at about the point where I was receptive to buying the sort of thing that it is, if that makes sense. I suppose that's not a bad thing.

And maybe one day I'll get a phone that makes me go like <3_<3. Hey manufacturer R&D depts, along with making them small but powerful, can you also make them like, I dunno, matte textured, and maybe even slightly flexible? Thanks. I know I'm not asking for much. ;)

That feeling when you log on to Facebook and spot the crowd of people you still mostly remember as rebellious teens sneaking vodka into the sixth form common room and talking about who kissed who at parties exchanging home made crumpet recipes. Love it. (And if any of you are reading, love you too, whether it's a vodka or crumpets day!).

* * *

On the food related note, for the last while I've been building up a document listing food I like to cook, to jog my memory when I'm feeling uninspired. A bit like a combination of a restaurant menu and a recipe book.

It's not reeeally recipes as such though because there are no detailed instructions or quantities. I just list the ingredients in the order they go in, as a memory jogger. E.g. 'Puttanesca: Fried onions & garlic + anchovies & oil + tomato paste + chopped tomatoes + oregano & chili/paprika/red pepper + olives + capers (at end)'. Or 'Green beans: Onion + garlic + green beans + chopped tomatoes + cumin, cinnamon, salt pepper'. Sometimes I've also made notes about possible variations or links to favoured full recipes but that's the general idea.

Now I'm curious to know if anyone else has done something similar. Or would be interested to read mine? I love seeing other people's day to day cooking.

* * *

I recently got a slow cooker from a friend who didn't want it any more. So far I've only used it to make black bean soup, but it was delicious and fed us for a couple of days so full marks on that. I'm thinking daal next, I have all the ingredients lined up (I got the kind of lentils I normally ignore for being annoyingly slow to cook, hah). And of course I'm going to try using it for the chicken-cooked-slowly-in-rice thing (which I just looked up and it would seem is normally spelled 't'biet', so now you can find recipes yourselves and oh wow look at that photo I probably could fit an entire chicken in the magic device hm hmmmmm...).

Anyway inspiration welcome. I thought it could be a great way to do weekday meals - prep the previous day, turn on in the morning, arrive at home to find a hot meal, sounds fantastic!. But for the two weeks that I've had it so far it doesn't seem to have worked out because actually I found most recipes call for like a 4-8 hour cooking time (max!) when I'm usually gone for closer to 12. I think I need to do a little bit more weekend experimentation to work out how far things can be stretched.

In other ways that I don't quite seem to be the intended audience for the device, most of the recipes I've found seem to be geared towards people, mostly Americans, who (quite openly) hate cooking, and absolutely love the idea of emptying seven different tins into the cooker and calling it a day. 'No chopping required' is a frequent recipe selling point. But the ingredients and results of that approach just don't look like my thing - if anything I was kind of hoping this machine would open up possibilities for more from-scratch cooking and less needing to fall back on convenience. So ho hum. I found a couple of sites that were speaking my language (mostly thekitchn, and a bit on seriouseats) so I'm going to try those, but friend recommendations are always better if anyone has tried this before :)

Someone I follow on Twitter asked for opinions on why some sci fi, e.g. 'I Robot', dates so poorly, especially in contrast to e.g. 'Frankenstein' which holds up better despite being obviously quite a lot older. (Of course you could argue with many of these assertions, but I agree, so I won't).

Popular answers included sexism, racism and homophobia. I think that's part of it, but not the full explanation. My thoughts on this, because I'm not good at Twitter:

I think the main thing that makes sci fi writing feel dated comes down to a failure of imagination, judgment, or indeed luck on the author's part when assessing what from their own experiences and environment is a relatively durable feature of the human condition, and what is more fleeting.

The passage of time is going to show this up unflatteringly clearly. For example in the Robot books you have intelligent, humanoid robots, you have Cities that are totally sealed to the outside environment… and you also still have a political context based on the Cold War, which ties you instantly to a particular period in history.

(Disclaimer: I read and hugely enjoyed all the Asimovs as a kid and haven't really returned to them since, except one Robot book that I recently intercepted on its way from my old shelves to the charity shop. I haven't read Frankenstein for a couple of years but I studied it good and proper at A level so that's something).

Asimov's weaksauce handling of gender relations also does the same. Not that the books are any kind of violently misogynistic horrorfest, but he's relentless in keeping women to the background, treating them as more bafflingly alien than the robots (bless their inexplicable hearts, they even chat in bathrooms, LOL), and assuming that they're as a rule kind of shallowly fussed about beauty, appearance, and social niceties. I haven't read the Foundation novels since I was a teen and I still remember that passage with the trinket that made you glow or sparkle or whatever it was. Or characters' 'solemn assertions' about women's handbags. It's just groan-worthy, and thoroughly out of fashion.

The 50s-ideal-nuclear-family-is-obviously-just-how-society-works thing he has going on feels flat and oversimplified even for the 50s, let alone for the future. But what really dates it in my mind is not even so much the this-is-how-families-work attitude but the feeling of 'this isn't even worth thinking about, exploring, challenging, or… anything'. The author is effectively saying to the reader, 'I have no interest in treating this as an actual feature of the world with imperfections, consequences, edge cases, etc. This isn't what matters to the story'. And that decision about what matters dates the books. I mean you have a series of books where he's exploring the limits and loopholes of his Three Laws, over and over, but a whole other pile of things get set aside as inconsequential, and they're just not things we think of as inconsequential today. The society in the books has been on the surface completely re-shaped and yet it's had minimal effect on e.g. public health, geopolitics, national identity, race, gender, families, migration… no one's buying that. (Note I'm not trying to say that he never addresses any of these at all, I'm just talking about the things that dated poorly).

Frankenstein doesn't suffer from the same problem because it's doing different stuff, and reacting to different, less specific kinds of worries. Themes of creation, cruelty, responsibility, ostracization, pursuit of knowledge/power, appearance vs essence… people's relationship to these issues haven't changed in the same way that their relationship to 'robots are gonna take over the world and annihilate all humans' has. (Again, I'm not saying Asimov never had anything interesting to say about lasting themes, only talking about the bits that have dated badly here).

On a different level, on my recent re-read of The Caves of Steel I was really struck by how badly the writing itself had dated. Even as a kid I spotted the clumsy dialogue and less than fantastic prose, but I think you're a bit less likely to get away with that these days so that immediately places you at a certain point in SF publishing history. I don't have the book to hand to get the exact phrases, but I remember characters using idioms that were just so hilariously old fashioned that I read them out to Anna and we both cracked up. There's something particularly silly-feeling about that in a sci fi context, especially when other writers have been so creative about how people might speak in the future. It's like when you see Victorian illustrations of the future and they're all on bicycle-powered personal flying vehicles but still all wearing Victorian hats.

Of course it's not like Frankenstein's prose isn't also of its time – but since the story is actually set in the time it was written rather than in the future that's not jarring/immersion-destroying. Likewise, being a Classic with a known literary and historical context we don't go 'wtf, this 200-page 'letter' makes no sense, that's just stupid and unrealistic' we go 'ah yes, an epistolary novel' and if you're in school, also things like 'ah yes, constantly going on about the bad weather is an important symbolic thingy, what's the word, pathetic fallacy'. If early sci fi occupied a similar kind of place in the literary canon, who knows what our perspective might be on its features and preoccupations. Perhaps we'd find the Victorian-hat aspects more charming and illuminating than grating, who's to say.

As a side note, a few years ago I read Dracula for the first time and I found it a more frustrating experience than I expected, because all the characters were sooo sloooow to understand what's going on it was like they were like impossibly, unsympathetically incompetent. Like COME ON of COURSE her blood keeps draining away every time she takes the garlic off the window before going to sleep, stop doing that thing already! I had to keep consciously reminding myself that the characters are totally unaware of what a 'vampire' is or what the deal is with garlic or running water, and I the reader am not supposed to know those things either, let alone think of them as tired cliches. But it was a constant effort to try to act like this was fresh, and when all the twists are assumptions you already arrive with, it can't be a hugely gripping read. So I guess the disconnect that makes things feel 'dated' in a way that interferes with your enjoyment can happen for all sorts of reasons.

It applies beyond sci fi of course. Some stuff lasts the ages while some loses relevance and appeal. But I think setting things in an imaginary, predictive future setting makes you hit dated-in-a-bad-way notes a lot worse than things just being old.

In other news I really need to make this site reasonably mobile-friendly so I can link people from Twitter and not be too embarrassed.

My driving licence arrived in the post this morning, complete with obligatory out of date photo. HOORAYS!

To answer the inevitable question, it was my third attempt. To then elaborate unnecessarily on my tests:

First attempt: I didn't feel particularly confident at my ability to pass but my instructor assured me my driving was fine and it was time to get moving so I gave it a go. Failed for using the wrong lane on a roundabout, which oops, but also felt like things clicked into a place a lot more with regards to driving (effectively) by myself. Examiner however gave a rather demoralising debrief, basically saying I did really badly and needed a LOT more practice before I could consider taking another test, despite actually giving me okay marks. I found out later he's known for demoralising debriefs even for people who pass, ho hum. Anyway there was an epic waiting time for new tests so I took a bit of a break, but then a month of weekly lessons again in preparation for the next test.

Second attempt: I felt like my driving standards had gone up over the recent lessons, but the test itself was in the middle of house stress - I'd found the house and started making arrangements to pack and move and store and blar blar blar but not yet heard back to say we'd actually got it so it could still all fall over. Intellectually I felt like the test was deeply unimportant compared to everything else going on but at the same time I just wanted this one thing to go well if only so I wouldn't need to worry about it ever again. I think I was just generally wound up and sleep deprived though, because despite feeling a lot more confident in my actual driving and quite happy with the idea of doing a test, my legs just constantly shook whenever I tried to do anything with any of the pedals. Getting going was painfully slow and that meant judging gaps was painful and as for reversing, lols. I failed like three or four times over. Funnily enough this time the examiner was really encouraging during and after and didn't make me feel like a complete hopeless case, so that at least was a relief. I pretty much just walked away and forgot about it.

Third attempt: The wait was really long again and I was both busy and getting kind of bored of the whole driving lessons and tests routine so (at my instructor's suggestion actually) I took two months completely off and only booked two lessons before the next test. When it came to the week of I regretted that, because he'd got a brand new car while I was away, and I felt like I was still a bit rusty after two lessons, and what if that made me fail and one more lesson would have prevented that, I would kick myself for the entire next long wait. But when it got to the actual test it all felt very uncomplicated and the driving was totally uneventful. Just drove along as instructed by the friendly human GPS in the other seat and made sensible decisions when required untiiilll CONGRATULATIONS TO MEE in the test centre parking space.

I did also have luck on my side on my winning test: traffic was comparatively clear thanks to the school holidays, and when the examiner decided to deviate from normal test routes into roads I've never driven on before they were actually in areas I know well for other reasons (around South Parks and Marston Road and stuff), so I still felt like I knew what I was doing just as well.

Anyway I know these details are really boring to anyone else but this is basically like a personal diary at this point so ha ha.

What's become really clear to me over the course of my lessons/tests is that my state of mind and tiredness levels are the biggest single factor in how well I drive. Kind of scary when you think about it, people must drive while exhausted and stressed and angry and so on all the time. I'm sure the effect is mitigated by being a more experienced driver, and inexperienced drivers on the road are at least as shudder-worthy as stressed out ones, but still, yikes, no?

IN CONCLUSION, I'm definitely a way more cautious and patient pedestrian since getting to experience first hand how fallible drivers can be.

We are half moved in and half furnished. In a couple of weeks the transformation will be complete. It is a beautiful place, with any luck we will be able to stay here for a while.

For the first couple of weeks I was still all wound up tight about everything that needed doing (finding furniture, organising bills, etc etc) but I think it was just leftover do-all-the-things frenzy from the househunt and move not having anywhere else to go. Now that things are settling down into a more relaxed state I feel a lot better about life (even though not all the things have been thinged, funny how that works).

So far the things that have blown my mind most are the freezer (seriously I am already completely reliant) and the bathtub (I think my bath/shower ratio is about 5 to 1). With a close second for gas hobs, and a suspicious side-eye for the whole concept of a 'garden'. Although it has pear trees in it which should be fun!

Other adjustments:

• Two people eat a lot more than one. Where did the groceries go?!


• In my old flat, if you stood at the entrance, you could toggle every single one of the lights (kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, living room) without moving. The idea that there could be a light accidentally left on somewhere I can't even see is bizarre.


• Likewise with the idea that I could have left something I need more than about two paces away. Although maybe this is a bit of a moving artefact as things haven't quite settled into homes yet.


• It's even harder to walk away from whatever you're doing and go to bed when that bed is up a flight of stairs.


• I am reminded that bathtubs are very effective spider traps at this time of year. Poor spiders.


• Speaking of spiders, anything left anywhere near anything else develops webs within 24 hours. Generally we seem to have a lot of creepy crawlies. I hope this doesn't also mean mice...

Anyway, things are good, I'm thrilled with how it all turned out.

Just to say that Paul Penney cleaners have won back my regard. I emailed to describe what happened and to say I expected we'd be hearing from the letting agents about it soon. They immediately responded apologising for the rush job and saying that they'd sort out finishing the job properly directly with the agents. Thumbs up.

And I'm now a member of the hordes of advice-givers saying to ALWAYS USE THE CLEANERS RECOMMENDED BY YOUR AGENTS because I'm pretty sure if they'd been a random with no relationship to preserve I'd have had to argue my case with them about getting them to go back in for free, coordinate between them and the agents to get access to the flat, etc. Or just get charged by the agents to send in their usual peeps.

In the past week (well... week+, now this post has been delayed by website issues) I have:

• Informed council of my move out


• Signed the lease on the new place (!!)


• Informed council of my impending move in


• Informed bank


• Sorted innernets (even if the call centre lady called me 'Josephine' the entire time and gave me incorrect info, it got done)


• Got boxes (thank you friends with boxes)


• Opened a household bank account, incidentally also giving me a credit card and meaningless 'upgrade' to my current account


• Much much internet banking admin when all three new bank cards arrived in the post


• Paid deposit


• Booked storage space


• Booked man with van to take stuff to and from storage


• Booked cleaners


• Failed to book holiday to Israel or even London for the period between leases (am needed at work sadly)


• Sorted through all. my. stuff. to pack/get rid of


• Sold furniture and other bits and bobs that were worth doing so


• Left ridiculous amounts of furniture on the street, all gone within moments, don't even ask me about the angry German lady who tried to 'reserve' some shelves then found they were gone the next day


• Moved servers on this website (although I was so frazzled with all the above that really, all credit goes to my dad and his tech help Sergey)


• Packed suitcase for Interim Period of crashing with friends (thank you friends with spare rooms)


• Packed everything else into many boxes over Sat-Sun


• Set up direct debit for new place


• Dismantled furniture


• Got flat cleaned


• Got all stuff in to storage space


• Returned to find house not all that clean but all my own cleaning equipment now miles away in secure storage. Resentfully cleaned after the bits they missed as best I could.


• Carried inevitable last misc bits and bobs (router, extension cables, towel and toothbrush, saucepan mysteriously found in a cupboard despite many sweeps) to friend's place


• Got up stupid early this morning for check-out appointment from current place (which the dude was very late for, argh)


• Only took a half day off in all this...

Recommendations:
magentastorage.co.uk were the friendliest and most helpful of the storage space companies I spoke to, and inexpensive. The space itself was great, and their advice on what size to pick was spot on.
oxfordvanman.co.uk (also known as Nico) was recommended by Magenta, and was also excellent. Reasonably priced and did a fantastic job, packed my stuff into the van and storage unit like it had been designed to fit there. Also good company on the ride to and from the space!

Unrecommendations:
Paul Penney cleaners did basically a really rushed job. They called me to hurry me up while I was on the way back from the storage space - they'd finished cleaning and were running out the door as soon as I arrived and paid them. But they didn't do the hobs well, didn't touch the walls or skirting at all, missed some kitchen cupboard shelves and doors, missed the air filter in the bathroom, left cobwebs on the ceiling where they couldn't be bothered to move the fridge, skipped the bin entirely, etc.

I think this might turn into a bit of an argument between me, them and the letting agents over whether I need to fork out another £100 for a do over. Luckily I took several people's advice and went with the ones recommended by the agents so that should give me some standing.

I partly feel a bit stupid for 1) not checking more thoroughly before they left, but seriously they made it sound like I was getting them in trouble by delaying them for those ten minutes, and I got the feeling that trying to get them to stay would have been a real argument, and/or 2) cleaning after them at all since it probably wouldn't have made the difference anyway. (I sorted out what I spotted at the time as best I could - but of course the inspector dude found a couple more things when he looked, I'm not a professional and didn't have proper supplies for dealing with hobs and such).

On the bright side trying to improve the cleaning job did give me a bit of time to just hang out in the flat before it was gone. It was a kind of interesting experience, the place was completely bare of all my stuff and so ought to have looked like before I'd moved in, but after four years, it was still really obvious I'd lived there. You could see the imprints on the carpets from my sofa, desk, bookshelves, bed. You could see the exact path I walk from the door to the chair to take off my shoes, or the secondary path to the bedroom. You could see where Anna and I would eat and hang out. It still felt very homey despite having nowhere to sit down, like the ghosts of everything were still there. I couldn't un-see my arrangement of the rooms. I guess that's as much about the observer as it is about the observed.

And as a bonus, Sir Fluffybutt, Visiting Cat Extraordinaire stopped by for a last cuddle. He wasn't impressed at me keeping him within two feet of the door and then eventually kicking him out entirely. He's currently really skinny and I'd been starting to get worried about him possibly being a homeless kitty rather than a kitty of many homes. But I know at least one of the other flats (and more probably two) are friendly with him, and I think the new tenant in mine is a likely sucker too, so hopefully he'll continue to get by alright.

Funnily enough the point when it stopped really feeling like home wasn't when the stuff got taken out, or when I kicked out the cat and locked the flap, or packed up the stray saucepan and router and such into a final bag. It was a definite moment though and it was when I took out the bloody door wedges. So about a year into my tenancy the landlords made all the doors weighted, but rather aggressively so, enough that they slam hard if opened and released, causing much pain to any unsuspecting limbs caught in their path. Having all the doors closed all the time made the place look tiny and feel stuffy, and made it frustrating to move around the flat (especially if carrying something), so I jammed them all open with wedges, ignoring several letters after various inspections that this was a Horrible Fire Hazard that may kill me one day. The point where I took them out and suddenly had to enter each room with a shoulder-shove was the point where I was like right, I'm done here, time to go. Strange what makes the difference sometimes.

Anyway. It was a fabulous flat and I feel like it deserved some celebration. But mostly I'm just massively relieved that it's almost done. My to-do list hasn’t been this short in weeks, I mean, there's still a bunch of life admin I'd like to do, but none of it has particularly intense consequences if not done immediately. I practically feel like a lady of leisure for this waiting period. And moving in should be a bit easier than moving out, unpacking is way more fun than packing, and I have actual time off work to do it in. That's the hope at least...

Also disturbing memory unearthed in the process of writing this post, I definitely dreamed last night that instead of just a backpack, I'd taken my two ~facourite boxes~ from the packing process to my friend's (hi! :)), and she'd 'helpfully' removed their contents and put them in my room, carelessly 'flattened' them, and put their sad, broken remains in the recycling bin. I couldn't say anything because obviously she's doing me a huge favour but MY FAVOURITE BOXES THAT I HAVE HAD SINCE MOVING TO UNI FOR THE FIRST TIME, OH GOD, SUCH EMOTIONAL PAIN TO SEE THEM UNCERMONIOUSLY WRECKED AND BINNED. Which is particularly funny because I was pretty ruthless with my actual possessions when I was going through them.

I also got upset a few days ago when my bank sent me a new debit card in a different colour to the old one. As if dealing with two actually new cards wasn’t enough now they have to replace my existing one with a strange-looking impostor, and now actually it's the new account that looks like how I'm used to the old one looking, and that's not going to be confusing aaat allll. I actually still haven't activated that one, although I will tonight.

I think I might have had enough change for a bit.

Testing testing hello new server.

Edit: okay so I managed to get my own IPs auto-blocked from my own website but it's all cool now thanks.

Something I've been idly thinking about today: really good salespeople must have to be such great people people.

I'm dealing with an estate agent who's rubbing me 100% the wrong way, in stereotypical estate agent fashion. Things like:

• Calling Anna 'he' repeatedly despite repeated emphasis on her name and the word 'girlfriend', including IN WRITING in my initial email to them about setting up a viewing


• Refusing to acknowledge his mistake when he initially sent me the wrong files (eff you I work in publishing I think I know the difference between Word and PDF)


• Putting pressure on us to drop everything to complete our application forms immediately, but then not being available to receive them


• Inelegantly insisting on my declaring 'the nature of my relationship with Anna' in writing (I'm sure he just has to tick a box somewhere that says 'cohabitating couple' or 'professional sharers' but really, there are ways to ask).

All of which has added up to such a profound dislike that when he told me that if we wanted our application to be 'competitive' with the ~many others~ they had already received, we should put on the form the 'upper limit' of the rent we'd be willing to pay for the place... well, I had precisely zero interest in doing so. Like, you must be joking. Also frustrating that his line changed from 'if it comes down to negotiating offers on the rent, I'll of course let you know' to 'what you put on this form will be your final offer that the landlord will choose from, so put the highest number you're happy with'. I mean I'm not the most experienced negotiator in the world but I'm not that thick that I'd put down my maximum before the conversation has even started. I just put down the advertised price and hoped none of the other applicants caved either.

The funny thing is place is definitely priced a bit under market value and I'd actually have no problem paying a little more for it. If I had felt any kind of trust or rapport with the man, and he'd have advised me to put an extra £50 or even £100 per month to ensure we'll get the place, just at standard pricing instead of weirdly cheap rates, I probably would have done it. As it is I am completely convinced that he's trying to get one over me so I'm in no mood to take his advice. I mean I wouldn't be remotely shocked to hear that this agency intentionally advertises at a cheaper price to get the viewings in and then tries to start a bidding war at the application stage. It could be that deliberately cynical for all I know.

So I've settled into an attitude where if we get the place at the low price great, I get to feel smug for calling his bluff, and if not then meh it's a shame. But I'd feel like a total sucker if I put more money down without ever knowing if it had really been necessary. And what's stupid is that we both potentially lose out from it. It's not like it's a win for me to miss out on a place I like out of defensive contrariness but it's where we are. It just seems so unnecessary!

It reminds me a bit of something that happened in one of the day trips we took in India. The cab drivers (it was a large group so two cabs) randomly stopped us somewhere 'to see this famous church'. We were more interested in the next item on our itinerary but all assumed someone in the other car had asked them to stop, so we popped out, stuck our heads in it, realised no one was interested in hanging around, and came back to the cars, thinking there had been a miscommunication (easy enough to do). At which point the drivers tried to pretty much push us into the shop they had parked outside. After a repeat episode of 'wait, did *you* tell them we wanted to go shopping?', we realised no, it was also all from them, and told them we wanted to drive on. They were clearly annoyed by this and tried to get us to go in by telling us how great the shop was, that we don't have to buy anything, we can just look, it's worth just seeing this shop it's that good, come on, go in... but we held firm and made them take us onwards. And they were *really* unhappy about it.

It was transparently obvious that they had some kind of deal going with the shop peeps. What I found really interesting was that we were actually a very open and suggestible group. If instead of trying to trick and pressure us they'd have said something like, 'there's this great shop on the way back that's the best place in the area to get (whatevers)', and even openly said 'my good friend runs it, he'll give you a good discount if you're with me' we'd probably have been chuffed to have a personal recommendation and gone in wanting to like it. Instead we were completely on the defensive from that point on.

I wonder if we were a particularly unusual group and if their tactic usually works. Does pressure normally do it? Or is it normally not necessary because everyone assumes you end your trip with a visit to a shop and not attempt to squeeze in a last bit of sightseeing? I will undoubtedly never know which is a shame because I'd love to.

It seems pretty fundamental that to sell successfully you want your customer to feel like they're getting a good deal rather than getting ripped off, and like the sale is their brilliant idea and not a capitulation to pressure from you. Depending on your level of ethics, that impression can be as accurate or as inaccurate as you like but surely that's still the mood you're trying to cultivate. I really do wonder why it so often doesn't happen that way. Is it just easier/faster? Does it work well enough often enough to be the better strategy? Hmm.

Edit for the curious: one of the other applicants did indeed put more money down and so got the place. I guess we will keep looking!

Pretty much the only good thing about househunting in Oxford is that I'm immediately inundated with offers of storage and crash space if required between leases, company for house viewings, and useful local knowledge about every street.

Oh wait that's not Oxford that's just all my friends being awesome :) Thank you lovely friends!

There is a current possibility but it's in the uncertain early stages.